I'm on the hunt for who I've not yet become.

To say it's been awhile would be an understatement. 

When I started this blog, I had intentions of posting regularly. 

That clearly is not how it happened.

Blogging has always been something I've enjoyed. I love following and reading other blogs and love being able to share a piece of me and my life. Even if not many follow along, I enjoy keeping track of whats happening in life in a fun way.

My life has changed drastically in the past few years.

If you go down two posts, you see that I was posting 

about my hopes for 2014. 

I'm sad to say that my goal to pick up my camera that year, didn't happen as planned.

It ends up on resolutions/goal list for every year.

Every year, I vow to pick up my camera more, to start documenting life regularly again, to throw myself back into my photography full force.

This year isn't any different. 

I'm ahead of the previous years in the fact that I put my Facebook fan page back up and am happy to report that my website will be done shortly as well!

I miss the days of being at home with Joseph, when I could just follow him and his cousins around with my camera and document their lives.

Now he's almost 10, in school full time and I split his time with his dad and I work full time.

If that sounds like a pile of excuses, it's because it is.

I find it much harder to find time and make many excuses as to why I don't take thousands of photos each year anymore.

Me writing this, starting this blog back up is my way of holding myself accountable. 

This is me saying it's going to change and I will follow through.



Here are some of my favourite photos I took in the last 12 months.

Downtown with my boy!

Joseph had the day off school, and me the morning off work.

So I wanted to do something fun. We went downtown.

 At one point he exclaimed 

"THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!"
So I think that means I win as mom.

 

Hello 2014

Dear 2014,

We already said goodbye to 2013, just a few days ago.

I'm a sentimental person, but I'm never really sad to see the end of another year.

2013 is a year that I am happy to see go..it belongs with 2011 & 2012,

just another chapter closed and gone.

Don't get me wrong..a bunch of good happened in 2013

- I became and auntie to 1, 2, 3 more babies!!

-I made a few new great friends (Harris, Amber, Elijah)

-I moved in with my parents (this goes on the bad and good list,

but good comes out stronger because I have parents who love me

and took me and Joseph in)

-Joseph started grade 1 and is doing so great!

-Although I've back slid..I'm still on the path to a healthier me

-Florida with my parents!

I met Adam, and he's pretty great!

I got a job! and am getting back into photography!

And all this great stuff:

 






 
Now for you 2014:

This year I will:

Play with Joseph A LOT!

Pick my camera up and capture as much life as possible!

Go Camping

Swimming

Skating

Sledding

Biking

Running

To Yoga

To the gym

Love more, hate less.

Compliment more, Critisize less.

Yell less while I'm driving

Eat a lot of veggies!

but still enjoy the treats!

Love my body and self!

Random Letters

I've done this before on here. I like doing it. I like writing random little things I'm thinking about and not saying it's who it's meant for. Some are obvious, some are not. It's a great way for me to get my feelings out. So here it is again. Eleven things I wanna say to Eleven different people right now.

One:

I write almost every time to you.

I think you're an amazing person.

Seriously one of the best I've ever met.

And I kick myself repeatedly for not finding a way

to make you one of my best friends.

You inspire me daily.

Two: 

You've hurt me before.

And then you hurt him and my family.

I don't believe you and will struggle to find a way to ever do so again.

It's not that I won't forgive you, I have a hard time holding grudges,

it's a waste of my time to hate people.

But just know, I really don't like you.

And I hope so much, that you never hurt him like that again.

Three:

I'm grateful to have a friend like you.

someone that I can talk to about absolutely everything.

Someone who is always there to hang around with when no

one else is.

You're a really good friend and I think we need to move in together.

Four:

There's a whole group of you,

you choose me to capture moments in your life.

I'm grateful you chose me. 

I love turning your faces into a work of art for your walls.

Five:

I wish things were different.

I wish I knew how to make them different between us.

Six.

It's hard for me to watch your life go on without me.

Seven:

Thank you for being amazing and being there for me when I have

no where to go. 

For loving me despite you disagreeing with how my life is going.

I'm grateful I can always come home.

Eight:

You are a bunch of cool people. 

I think I'm going to enjoy this a lot more than I thought.

Nine:

Why did you leave such an imprint on my life?

You are not an easy person to forget.

Ten:

You two make me feel so good about myself.

You see something in me that I just don't see.

I love you both.

You're both amazing women!

Thank you for always reminding me of my worth! 

Eleven: 
I had one for you but then ran out of room. 
So now I'm adding it.
I think you're pretty cool.
You make an amazing second shooter and a pretty good friend too.
Joseph sure thinks you and Brady are cool too!  

Six!

A letter to Joseph:

Dear Joseph,

You're six! Six!!

When I held you as a 'little' baby,
 

 I couldn't picture this day, and yet it came so fast.

You don't believe you're "Real Six" yet.

In your mind, you thought you were going to noticably

grow bigger over night. But you didn't and you don't believe

me when I tell you that you were growing into six all year.

So you tell me often " I'll do that when I'm real six"

"I'm not really six yet Mommy, because I didn't grow bigger,

I'll be real six in a little while".

You sure look "Real Six" to me little man.

You compliment me every single morning and all day long:

"Mommy, I love waking up to see your face"

"Ohhh Mommy, you look so beautiful today"

"When I have a son, he's going to love you, because I love you"

"You're the cutest and sweetest mommy in the whole world"

"You're the sweetest Mommy because you say sweet words to me all day long"

You're the sweetest boy and kid I've ever come across, and I only pray that stays with you

as you grow into a big kid, and then a teenager and then of course an adult.

You make my days brighter, and make it so much easier to get through crappy situations.

Yesterday when I was crying about our life situation changing again,

you said in all the wisdom a six year old could have

"Mommy, sometimes life is hard and sometimes there isn't enough money,

and so you have to live with your parents so you can save."

You've gone through so much in your life already and yet you're still so sweet and postive.

You're always there to give me hugs when I'm crying and to tell me that everything will be

alright. And you know what, you're always right.

I'm go glad that Omi & Opa could take us to Florida.

You needed that more than any of us.

Time to be a kid, to have fun, to play and to experience the world.

You loved it. You love scary rides. You're always looking for adventure.

 

You're my best friend Joseph and I don't know what I would do without you!

Love,

Mommy
 

In your world.

In your world Stella and Sam is your current favorite show.

followed by Phineas & Ferb and Justin Time.

In your world the square cereal is the yummiest.

In your world, sleeping in mommy's bed always makes you very happy.

In your world you still can play all day shooting imaginary things in your head.

In your world wrestling is still the only way you'll play with me.

In your world twinkle twinkle and I am a child of God are your favorite bedtime songs.

And Boo Hoo Bird your favorite book.

In your world, you love your cousins and ask to see them daily.

In your world you miss living with two of those cousins.

In your world you don't understand why you have to go back and forth between Daddy and Mommy

and you put up a fight every time.

In your world, sleepovers at Omi's house are regularly requested.

In your world, hangers are a very cool toy to play with.

In your world Pizza is still your favorite food.

In your world skeletons and zombies and monsters are becoming very interesting.

 

 

In my world I'd do anything to make you happy.

In my world, I fret all the time if I'm doing this right.

In my world I have moments where I get tired and frustrated easy.

In my world I wish I could explain to you why our family is broken.

In my world, every time you cry that you want to stay with me, I would let you,

but I know you need both of us.

In my world, I love seeing your giggle and smile.

In my world, I can't believe the little person you're turning into.

In my world, I'm so glad you're such a loving boy.

In my world, I love that every day when I pick you up from school that you are always

SO excited to see me.

In my world, I love you more than you could ever know!

10 People.

I did this on my old blog.

It was a ten day thing.

I'm only choosing to do day 10.

because I like it.

 

Here is it.

10 things that I want to say to 10 different people, right now!

 

1. I forgive you. I hold no anger, resentment, or bitterness towards you at all.

 

2. I'm so glad I met you, you helped me realize so much

and empowered me with knowledge that helped me move on in life.

I thought I was broken, I thought I was stuck in life,

you showed me that wasn't the case.

 

3. I miss you. I miss our friendship. I miss your kids.

I miss hanging out. I miss stupid random texts.

I miss zumba and zumba after parties.

I miss talking most of all.

I miss you.

 

4. I love you. I love you. I love you.

 

 

5. I didn't talk to you for a long time. I'm still uncertain if I want to.

Part of me says it feels good.

 

6. I want nothing more than for you to find him.

I want that giddy feeling for you.

I want you to enjoy being wanted.

 

7. I hope he will be able to see the basket of crazy that you are.

 

8. You make a great sister, and my life would suck without you.

 

9. I know you're concened about me and the choices or lack of choices that I make in my life.

It's your job to worry, it means you care.

And although I struggle and I slip up a lot.

I want you to know that I got this.

I'm an adult, let me screw around and fiddle with things until I figure it out.

I won't learn if I don't occasionally fail.

I don't blindly make decision, I consider everything.

 

10. My heart is breaking so bad for you right now.

I see the pain all over your face with I look at you.

I can't even imagine how empty you feel without him.

I hope the ache will ease with time, because your smile is beautiful and the world needs to see it.